ADULT CHILDREN WHO NEED TO GROW UP
I get about a dozen cases a year: Adult children who seem directionless, lazy and unmotivated brought to me by parents who are fed up. Typically, by the time I meet them, the parents are out of patience. They are tired of working hard to support an adult child who should by now be independent or at least moving progressively in that direction.
Lecturing is a waste of time, consequences don’t seem to work, support seems to go totally unappreciated. They’ve tried getting them to be more serious about school, work; life in general, and nothing seems to be changing.
The resentment and frustration begins to be felt by all the family members as they pull the extra weight of the one individual who seems to be basking in the luxury of a dependant lifestyle. Most of the time, but not always, some drugs are involved, copious amounts of pot is the most common substantiating the theory that a pot-induced lifestyle creates physical and mental lethargy.
Lying is also a component as the “slacker” has a tendency to make endless empty promises to change and to use resources that don’t belong to them (taking money, using phones, credit cards, cars and gas, etc. without permission or behind the family’s back).
My initial thought is, “Why, oh why, did they not contact me BEFORE they were on the verge of throwing them out and cutting them off.”
Because this sort of change is a process and takes time and patience; something the family is sorely lacking by now.
What the individual needs is a process that alters their thinking and begins to get them in touch with the benefits of growing up instead of the benefits of perpetually staying a child.
A process that forces the transition from youth to maturity, without loopholes or exit routes. The process cannot be learned from a book or a seminar because the genesis of such dynamics varies from person to person; family to family. It needs to be a highly customized process; exploiting the strengths (and weakness’) of the “slacker’s” personality.
Eventually, we will all grow up. If your adult child is stuck it may be time to give them a jolt.
Scott Spackey is a Certified Life-Coach Hypnotherapist, Bio-Feedback Technician & CA. Registered Addiction Specialist & Interventionist,