On four separate occasions, I injected a hybrid of pure MDA and meth. I was not advised ahead of time what I was being given and was stunned when the high hit me. I had never done anything like this before, and empathogens were so new to the general population I’d had no exposure to them. It was a life-altering experience. Something that, to this day, I have difficulty mentally reexperiencing to even talk about. It was a startling experience and impossible to manage or hold on to. The details of it are in my memoirs, so this is not the time or place to go into the entire story. After twelve years of drugs and thousands of injections of meth, I never came close to even the threshold of this high; it was incapacitating and mind-blowing. I sat on the floor, naked, arms around my knees, saying, “Whoa, whoa, whoa…” over and over again for a solid seven to ten minutes. I never experienced anything so powerful with the ability to pick up more and more momentum as it went on.
DMT and other tryptamine compounds, which are produced and released in extreme states such as near-death experiences, mystical states, and the like, were being released. A meth/MDA injection can easily qualify and trigger this event of psychedelic-tryptamine production.
It is difficult to think about because there is an immense, visceral desire to relive it and do it again. I rarely dole out the story because it cues my addictive thinking into overdrive, causing me to have dreams and a weird sense of nostalgia. I definitely didn’t hate it, but at the same time, it’s a frightening idea and one I hope I am sensible to never consider doing again. Best to move on and forget it. Even if the high was spectacular, the consequences are, of course, proportionate.
Crystal X is hybrid drug of MDA and high potency, pure methamphetamine.
The molecule on the left is MDA, the root moelcule of Ecstasy. Pure MDA is an entirely different experience than Ecstasy.
The molecule on the right is methamphetamine.
While they are eerily similar, the tiny differences in their structure are profound. Humans and chimpanzees are 96% identical genetically, but that little 4% makes me able to drive, write and do math and the chimp be able to soar through tree tops with agility.
The main difference between MDA and Ecstasy is that MDMA and Ecstasy have a methamphetamine core to their molecular structure. Therefore, it would seem as though my theory of Cyrstal X being MDA and meth would make it Ecstasy. Technically, this is true, however, the quantity and way these two molecules are joined makes all the difference. Ecstasy is MDMA cut with other drugs like pharmaceutical amphetamines and MDMA is an MDA molcule fused onto a meth molecule. But my theory is that Crystal X is MDA and meth fused together in such a way that the MDA part of the molecule is far more dominant. Injecting MDA on its own is VERY similar to the Crystal X experience and there are some accounts of MDA injection on Erowid that are quite explicit, but the addition of pure crystalized meth in a thick and potent form makes the experience like that of a chimpanzee compared to a human.
AS ALWAYS–I’M NOT ADVOCATING THE USE OF THIS DRUG AT ALL! I’M SIMPLY DOCUMENTING ITS EXISTENCE AND EXPERIENCE.
The passages below are reproduced from:
Project Addiction, The Complete Guide to Using, Abusing and Recovering from Drugs and Behaviors
(Meth, Night Prowler, AC/DC, Ice, Speed, Tina, Crystal, Gak, Go Fast, Dope, Crank, Tweek)
Bath Salts (Mephadrone)
(Bubbles, Zombie, Drone, MCAT, Meow-Meow)
What It Is
The major difference between methamphetamines and regular amphetamines is that little clue in its prefix: meth. This means it belongs to the methyl group of amphetamines. With this slight addition to its molecular structure, we get a very evolved and different type of drug than normal amphetamines. The methyl feature helps the amphetamines ferry across the blood-brain barrier (BBB). BBB is the brain’s defense system that identifies, prevents or reduces foreign molecules from entering the brain by breaking down invading chemicals and eliminating them.
How It Works (Mechanism of Action)
Meth causes a reversal—or circular and recycled—flow of the SDNE chemicals and it blocks their uptake, meaning that these chemicals not only flood into the body and brain, but all of our normal systems to use or neutralize them are either turned way down or shut off completely. Meth is highly resistant to the BBB and this, allows more of it to reach the brain. This makes it more potent and last a long time something addicts refer to as “having legs.”
The dangerous types of amphetamines, like meth, are dextroamphetamines. Their molecular structure allows them to enter the brain intact and in high levels. Your brain has defense mechanisms, such as enzymes, that are designed to break down toxic/invading molecules, whether they originate endogenously (from within) or exogenously (from outside), so that even if the chemical is a good thing, like SDNEs, you don’t get too much.
All the abused amphetamines are dextroamphetamines, but meth is one that’s been methylated. This means that the usual amphetamine molecule is put through a process that attaches a carbon-hydrogen group onto the atomic chain of the molecule. This is like giving the amphetamine molecule a magic word, like “open sesame” and a suit of armor. With this little addition of a carbon atom and three hydrogen atoms (roughly—I’m no chemist!) the “little molecule that could” gains rapid and full entrance across the blood-brain barrier (like knowing the secret password), and, with its atomic suit of armor, it is now resistant to the enzymatic breakdown that would normally occur. What does this mean? It’s an amphetamine on steroids with a massive rage disorder. More drug reaches the brain faster, and it lasts longer. It has everything a dope fiend wants and for a low, low price!
The speed (pun not intended) and power or potency of this little molecule causes such an immense amount of SDNE production, it borders on psychedelic levels—but not so much in the sense that it causes hallucinations or paracusia of the conventional sort. Typically, meth audiovisual hallucinations are produced more by sleep deprivation than the literal effect of the drug. However, the enhanced levels of serotonin and dopamine released are near the amount of a psychedelic. The meth “hallucination” is more of a reality-distortion experience. What’s normally real is not real, and what is normally not real seems to be real.
In psychedelic experiences, most people perceive the psychedelic reality they experienced under the psychedelic as more expansive, but a meth reality is distorted; it’s not more of a reality, it’s a false reality. Once a psychedelic wears off, many are left with a newer, more expansive perception of reality. Once meth wears off, the distorted reality goes away. If meth gives us access to an alternate level or dimension of reality, it is a sinister one—one we are glad to leave behind once the dope wears off: paranoia, insecurity, anxiety, and an acute sense of others being corrupt, harmful, and dark.
What’s the end result of methamphetamines when compared to regular amphetamines? It is way, way stronger and lasts way, way longer. The first time I ever took an injection of meth, it was a very tiny amount—10 cc—compared to the 60 cc I would inject of cocaine. The guy turning me onto it discouraged me from doing it, saying, “This isn’t coke. I don’t think you’ll like it.”
Of course, I was all like, “Whatever…gimme a shot!” How different could it be; they’re both stimulants. I had shot a lot of coke already, so what the hell was this guy trying to imply?
Well, after those little 10cc, I didn’t sleep for almost four days. By day three I’d decided this drug had broken some sort of sleep mechanism in me, and I became convinced I’d never sleep again. I rationally decided that if I didn’t come off of it in a day or two and I was never going to sleep again, suicide would be the only option. It was maddening how the wakefulness just kept going and going. Now I know why the human body is designed to sleep. Without a break within every twenty-four hours from life, we would all go mad! But did that stop me? Of course not. It wasn’t long before meth became my DOC, but that’s another story.
An important point needs to be made here: meth is crazy. Truly crazy. Dubbed the “most dangerous drug in the world” by a National Geographic documentary and other media, it earns its reputation. No other drug twists your thinking and feelings into a distorted reality, like being on a quasi-spiritual/demonic mission of mania. The similarities it bears to paranoid schizophrenia and subtypes of psychosis are too alarming to overlook. You just cannot be normal on it. Other highly addictive drugs (like heroin) enslave you with powerful magnitudes of pleasure and the need to avoid the horrific physical withdrawal, but most people can still “function” on those drugs. Tweekers (methheads), on the other hand, cannot function. Meth corrupts and corrodes not only your morals and ethics, but your entire thinking and feeling apparatus.
A Crazy History for a Crazy Drug
Soon after amphetamines were synthesized by a German dude, methamphetamine was synthesized by a Japanese chemist in 1893. The core ingredient is from the plant ephedra sinica, indigenous in Mongolia, Russia and China. In 1919 another Japanese chemist synthesized it into a salt, or crystal, and voilà! Methamphetamine was born.
Meth was given to soldiers during World War II on both sides: both Axis and Allied powers. What did the generals care, right? Let’s get those boys to fight longer and more ferociously. Meth can make people superparanoid and aggressive. What better dope to give guys in the trenches and on the front line?
Japanese kamikaze pilots were given large doses of meth before their suicide missions. It is widely believed that Adolph Hitler received meth injections daily. He may be the first IV meth dope fiend ever. What does that tell you about the mind-bending effects of this drug? As mentioned, it distorts the entire thinking/feeling apparatus; delusions of grandeur, paranoia, and a whacked-out sense that you are involved in something of great, global, or even cosmic proportions is absolutely common with long-term, persistent meth users. While no one can confirm the führer’s daily meth injections, it seems an obvious conclusion to make.
Once the war was over, meth found its way into civilian life, as copious amounts of the dope found its way out of the manufacturing plants and onto the streets. It didn’t take too long before street chemists were making it in back rooms.
I saw a bumper sticker once that said, “Save a toaster, shoot a tweeker.” Tweeking is when you’re amped up on meth and you need to do something, so you start messing with stuff, like cleaning the kitchen, mowing the lawn, fixing the toilet, or repairing the toaster. There’s just one problem: you don’t have a lawn, and the toaster isn’t broken. Or at least it wasn’t until your drug-addled mind got a hold of it and started performing surgery on it with a pair of needle-nose pliers and a jeweler’s screwdriver. Meth causes intense alertness and focus, which needs an outlet, so it’s out with the tools and flashlights and on a mission to DIY heaven.
Tweeking is why meth addicts are so dangerous and sinister. While cokeheads are sitting around BS’ing the night away about how bitchin’ they are and heroin addicts are passing out in their own drool, tweekers are up, up, up. They are restless, and since idle hands are the devil’s playground, they have a tendency to get into trouble. It’s an equation: add one wide-awake, overstimulated, somewhat-paranoid individual to a primal need for more drugs and multiply by several more people who are also in a delusional state of mind and you get trouble. The element that makes them so dangerous is the wide-awake part. Tweekers work for long hours on their schemes, cons, and criminal plans because they don’t sleep. They are motivated and energetic—two things a law-abiding community fears the most in their local crime element. Tweekers are conspirators, plotters, and planners.
I liken them to vampires: they sleep all day in their tombs, emerging mostly at night to suck the life force out of anyone they come into contact with. Their distorted mental/emotional apparatus twists enough over time to become truly evil. I’m not kidding. Tweekers can be some of the most soulless entities on the planet—creatures that exist in their own obscure dimension, searching, destroying, and driven by a force that owns and enslaves them…a force they are powerless against and resentful toward. This long-term resentment of their plight turns into a twisted and destructive passive-aggressive loathing of the world. Since the world did not rescue them, it deserves to suffer the same plight. Tweekers literally recruit others into their world and enjoy doing it, putting notches on a proverbial belt with each soul they seduce and corrupt, and those they wreck are left to live like the undead in this netherworld dimension.
I’ve seen it happen. But, of course, I’m an aging dope fiend who’s probably paranoid and suffering from some form of PTSD form my drug years…right? Just sit down with some of the people who’ve truly lived that life and left it. They will tell you the same thing.
The high is alluring; it makes you feel sharp and intense, pumping all those feel-good, high-energy chemicals from their little vesicles into your bloodstream and into your head. It has a rare quality of being intense and subtle, and the more you do it and the longer you are sleep deprived, the stranger it gets. The strangeness of the people and the high either draw you in or repel you. You either love it or you hate it, but no one feels like meth is an “I could take it or leave it” experience.
Drug addicts are not all the same. Very few heroin addicts are involved with the meth culture and vice versa. Their personalities and mentalities are totally different.
Ecstasy, MDMA, and MDA
(X, E, Molly, Rollin, Skittles, Candy, Love Drug, Happy Pill, Scooby Snacks)
Three of my empathogen experiences were edited from the Project Addiction book to make the publisher and editors feel safe and happy. I agreed to remove them from the book on the condition they could be included on the website. To read them go to the Project Addiction website’s “Director’s Cut” page (http://www.projectaddiction.net/director-s-cut.html)
Our Night Out With Molly
Beach Fun On Moonrocks
The Last Roll
What They Are
Think Ecstasy, MDMA, and MDA are the same thing? Well, they’re not. Also categorized as stimulants, they are distinctly different from other stimulants like cocaine, meth, or Adderall. Empathogens stimulate feelings of empathy, and entactogens stimulate feelings of introspection and heighten sensitivity to touch (tactile).
These drugs qualify as stimulants because of the amphetamine “core” of their molecular structure. However, while an amphetamine works primarily on norepinephrine, empathogens work mainly on serotonin and dopamine, respectively. In other words, they produce extremely high volumes of serotonin, fairly high levels of dopamine, and high norepinephrine. The results look like this:
• Extremely high serotonin: hyperintense feelings of happiness, joy, and intimacy with other people.
• Fairly high dopamine: intense feelings of peace, inner power, insight, and lowered inhibitions.
• High norepinephrine: feelings of adrenaline, energy, and alertness.
We will examine all three of the popular drugs of this class separately, since they have varying effects. The core, or base, of these empathogens is MDA: methylenedioxyamphetamine. As you can see in its name, the molecule of amphetamine is in its structure, while MDMA, methylenedioxy-methamphetamine, clearly has methamphetamine in its chemical makeup. Methamphetamine is a much more potent stimulant than regular amphetamine, so MDMA is more “speedy” then MDA. Then there’s ecstasy: the low man on the totem pole. Ecstasy is MDMA cut with other adulterants, typically more crude meth or other crude amphetamines. Therefore, the hierarchy of quality is MDA at the top (best), MDMA in the middle (very good), and ecstasy at the bottom (all right).
Each of these drugs is equal in empathogen-entactogen quality; however, the empathogen quality is overshadowed and dominated by the quantity and presence of amphetamine/methamphetamine fight-or-flight feelings.
Now we get to the real deal. MDA is the empathogen in this group with the least amount of amphetamine and the highest, purest concentration of the quasi-psychedelic content of the molecule.
I use the term quasi-psychedelic on these empathogens. They are not psychedelic enough to classify them as such, but they do have psychedelic qualities triggering introspection, conceptual thinking, and perceptions. They enhance tactile senses; the sense of touch and the ability to actually experience an awareness of your own body in a highly sensual way is very interesting and intriguing. However, as a purist when it comes to psychedelics, these empathogens do not yield the insights and paradigm-shifting mentalities I associate with the true psychedelic experience.
It is quasi-psychedelic because it creates mild synesthesia (explained in the psychedelics/entheogens introduction). There are no hallucinations with empathogens, and anyone who tells you otherwise is telling a tall tale or might be mildly psychotic!
The MDA empathogen experience is more pleasure, whereas the psychedelic experience has profundity and feelings of fulfillment (and confusion). Remember that pleasure is a good time and is temporary, and fulfillment is something that changes you and adds character or depth to you as an entity. Empathogens are a “good time” and have some quasi-psychedelic features, but do not “change” you. There are no lasting, profound insights. The only potential insight would be the sensing of empathy and connection to others, and it is this experience that can expose us to the suspicion that feelings of empathy are available to us organically if we only accessed them.
MDA is the most quasi-psychedelic of the three drugs discussed. The utter lack of quantity and potency of the amphetamine component of this empathogen version makes it completely distinctive from the other two. When most rollers get an opportunity to try real MDA for the first time, they are blown away, finally experiencing the full potential of true and pure empathogen. A pure, high dose of MDA is so subtle that the lack of intensity is often misleading. Many people wonder if it is actually working; not because they feel nothing, but because the feelings are so subtle they can be accepted as organic and not drug induced. To some, this lack of intensity is a deterrent because they want something powerful. To others it is a favorable quality, since it is paradoxically gentle and powerful.
Real MDA is rare and hard to get. I would think the only people getting it are within four degrees of separation of someone who actually makes it. In other words, someone makes it and you need to know a friend of a friend of a friend who knows that person directly. Beyond the fourth degree, it is being cut by some percentage and sold. I’ve read forums and the Erowid Experience Vault, and there is no doubt that most people out there describing their MDA, or moonrock, experience were told they were getting MDA, but got good molly instead.
What It Does
MDA is very slow to take effect, taking about one hour to an hour and a quarter to feel its onset. However, once it begins, the initial fifteen minutes may be subtle, but the next thirty are quite a ride. A slow, subtle, but undeniable rush through your body, mind, and brain begins to roll in like a cascading wave. Think of it like a waterfall that goes up.
The onset is smooth, not necessarily gradual, but it is easy to enjoy, and while it is overwhelming, it is not overwhelming in a bad way. It is overwhelming in the sense that it is more than you can describe or label, as this wave of pleasure escalates for half an hour or so. You can walk, talk, and function, but mostly you just enjoy. A smile is impossible to resist, and you definitely want others to feel like you are feeling.
The rush of this onset doesn’t really dissipate or stop. You stay just as high even after this peaking, and you adjust to the altitude; you don’t come down from the rush, you plateau onto it.
For several hours, this plateau feeling lasts. Smooth and clean, there is none of the edgy, wiry feeling of amphetamine whatsoever. It is so relaxing and calming it is easy to almost want to sleep and dream while on it. There is a subtle reality distortion, qualifying it as a quasi-psychedelic, and you are now on a frequency of reality others only wish they could be on. It is special, like having a little, happy secret.
Music is a must because MDA enhances your sensitivity to it. There is no need to run out and dance, but you certainly could. It is much more laid back than E or molly, allowing you to choose: relax and stay in and chat deeply about simple, beautiful things, or go out and mix it up socially.
MDA has “legs” and will typically plateau for several hours, coming in waves. While you are consistently high while on it and feeling pleasurable, you will experience waves of ecstasy that come over the top of your head and fill you up with an inner warmth. It recedes, much like an ocean wave, and then returns, giving you more rushes of the high. It’s interesting that the receding part is not really noticed until it waves over you again, and only then do you realize it had momentarily backed off, only to come back and give you more pleasure, like a gift. These waves, or rolling sensations, take place steadily, consistently, and constantly.
Typically, it is stacked in doses, and you take more two to three hours in. Two to three dosings will make for a two- to six-hour experience.
The long and short of it: it feels great, and it is a smooth and pure high with no edgy, anxious or confusing qualities to it. It is simple and easy to use and enjoy.
The MDA Comedown
None to mild—seriously. The nearly insignificant amount of amphetamine makes it’s wearing off like coming in for a smooth landing. You glide back down, slowly returning to normal, feeling peaceful and satisfied. There is nearly no depression or anxiety, and, for most people, it is easy to sleep after its use.
There can be slight sadness in realizing the special, good time you were having is winding down, but it is not rough at all. There is a mild overalertness residual from the extra norepinephrine in your body. This is not to be confused with sleeplessness and feeling edgy, as it has none of those qualities. The body will feel a little tired, and there is often a lack of genital sensitivity, making sex difficult. Erectile dysfunction and difficulty achieving orgasm or climax for both sexes usually occurs. It is probably better to cuddle than trying for intimacy because the norepinephrine can adversely affect sexual performance and intimacy.
A very low dose of a sleep medication or benzo, like Xanax, will usually neutralize any extra alertness and allow sleep to occur (landing gear).
It is difficult not to advocate the use of this drug . I found it to be highly therapeutic. My life is stressful and filled with deadlines, responsibilities, and a never-ending sense of needing to accomplish things and has disproportionate and infrequent enjoyable times. I am not the only one caught in a perpetual cycle of stress due to trying to succeed and make a comfortable life for me and my family.
I understand and accept stress as a part of life and do not feel depressed or angry on a large scale due to the enormous pressures of life. I choose to be an overachiever, and I understand the consequences of succeeding and creating. The best therapy for me typically is time off to relax and recharge. However, between the stress of costs and planning for time off, leisure is challenging. It can take a day or two just to get into a relaxed state of mind and body when I actually take time off.
Experimenting with MDA was a surprise for me. The one time I experimented with it, I had a wonderful evening and was able to relax more than I can on my own, to be sure. The high was clean and pure and smooth and nothing but pleasant and fun. I could not say one thing bad about the experience while on it. The rush was fantastic and wonderful, the plateau was long and comfortable, and the comedown was easy and soft.
The following day I felt more relaxed and peaceful than I had in months, if not years. I felt peaceful and patient, and in this way it was very therapeutic. We all need to truly and deeply relax for a few days at a time and get the most out of that relaxing. MDA assured this. Spending one evening on MDA was equivalent to having a week off from work. Afterward, I felt content, satisfied, calm, and relaxed; feelings not usually accessible to me.
I cannot say at this time if there is a role for MDA as a medicine. It is far less damaging and has far more positive of an effect than many prescribed medications that I see in use today, like Prozac for anxiety/depression and Xanax for stress. I am not a proponent of these—or most—prescribed meds. I am fortunate that I am capable of coping with the less-than-favorable features of life. Other than my addiction disorder (which is in remission), I am mentally and emotionally healthy and stable.
On one hand, I can see myself taking a dose of it a couple times a year to enjoy and relax. On the other hand, I spiritually believe in a chemical-free lifestyle, if possible. I am not crazy; if I am in pain, I will take a drug, and if I had schizophrenia, I would take many. However, if there’s nothing “wrong” with me, I will not take anything. We all need coping mechanisms, and everything from a glass of wine, to sex, to a vacation or indulgences in unhealthy food from time to time can keep us going in life if we are blessed enough to have the resources and opportunity to do so.
Comedian Chris Rock once said, “The government doesn’t want you to use your drugs, they want you to use their drugs!” I have no use for the ongoing, consistent, daily use of chemicals to deal with my stress or other life symptoms. Drugs are toxic and dangerous and far too easily recommended and prescribed in today’s culture. It certainly seems arbitrary how government advocates one set of drugs, many of which are advertised on TV with frightening disclaimers of listed side effects, yet they outlaw something like MDA. You can drink legally and there is no limitation on how much you can buy or consume and little to no regulation to it even in public, yet the government feels the need to control and prohibit something as harmless as some of these empathogens.
Empathogens have been successfully used in psychiatric forms of therapy. The rolling experience is one of reduced, or even eliminated, stress or anxiety combined with feelings of harmony, empathy, insight, and immense clarity of spirit and emotion. When a therapist provides guidance and therapy during the episode and proper review is followed afterward, powerful realizations can occur, and these realizations can liberate the subject from the emotional or psychological issues binding them. The psychedelic and quasi-psychedelic experience can be quasi-enlightening to many people. Empathogens have much of the favorable sensations of psychedelic experiences without the intensity or confusing features that often accompany them.
I am not endorsing or encouraging any drugs to be used as therapy, as I am more of a purist, believing that humans are better off facing their troubles with dedicated, conscious commitment and work. Shortcuts rarely work. As always though, there are those cases that are the exception to the rule: a truly bipolar personality needs meds and hard work. This is covered in detail in the Rant on Prescription Drugs section and throughout the various discussions on the role of meds.